Wednesday, January 12, 2011
I am amazed to see each day on my iGoolge home page the amount of relationship failures I see, the amount of extramarital affairs I read about, and the hope that is lost in the sacred vows we take with the one person we love. Then I remember I am on iGoogle and most of what I read is about celebrities and their small lives blown up on an internet page. Was anyone really surprised to find out Tiger wasn’t faithful to his beautiful wife when he could have any whore in the bar he wanted? Were we really appalled at Jesse James when he broke Sandra’s heart with some other tattooed tramp? Do you believe The Don has been faithful all these very few years since marrying his last wife? So now I read about marriages lost to sex with others and I think, that’s too bad, but really, it’s also Hollywood or professional sports, or it’s the price of celebrity. Brad Pitt has yet to fall at my feet and beg me to my knees, so I’ve yet to be tempted. Amy Ray either, by the way. But I’d hope to be a better person and a better wife if either of them did come knocking at my door.
But what I am surprised about however is the lack of respect for marriages that are out of the public eye. In the past few years, I’ve seen three people I know go through divorce. I’ve watched their worlds turn upside down, lives ripped apart only to be rebuilt one tiny Lego at a time after years of hope and dreams. Only one of those three I know was a result of infidelity. Only person of those six was a cheating man. Sad, but almost expected, huh? On the flip side, I am shocked at how many marriages have stayed together while the wives cheat. In just two years, I learned of seven women I know that cheated on their husbands. Some husbands know and have chosen to move forward rebuilding trust within their marriage. Some husbands do not even know. I’ll never understand what causes such disrespect in a woman. I’ll never quite get what she is missing and why she feels the need to risk it all for a romance that could be waiting for her at home.
One thing I can say is I love my husband very much, and sometimes that is hard to do. Marriage is hard. Life is frustrating, and it’s easy to forget the one person you need most – yourself – in a relationship. I don’t know what’s happened in marriages of which I am not a part, but I do know when I feel lost in mine, I have to look at myself and see what I can do to improve myself. It’s those occasions that I am successful that my marriage improves as well. I can’t pretend to understand what it is like in someone else’s shoes, but I can be shocked that so many women are putting their families at risk.
Ladies, ask yourself what he would do if you told him today. Would he leave you? Would you be thrown out on the streets without your cushy stay at home mom job? Hey, I’m a stay at home mom and I know it’s hard. It’s the toughest job I’ve ever had. But there is no commute, there is no boss except your own expectations of yourself, and there are no reviews or pay raises. But compared to what your husband does each day to provide for your family, to keep you at home, to send you to school, to give you Starbucks every day, or simply just to feed you and give you blankets for your bed, I feel the least you can do is respect him enough to tell him you are screwing around while he’s at work and the kids are at the neighbors or that you did screw around on him when you thought he wasn’t good enough for you or fun enough for you or worked too hard and didn’t have enough time for you.
My husband works hard for his family each day. Each week we miss him more and more, but we know that each evening when he’s done working, our day as hard as it may have been was easier than his. I know that our mortgage payment is not contingent on whether or not I did enough laundry that day, but it is dependent on his daily work. I’m a wife, a mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister and a volunteer….I get angry and I have hard days, and believe me, I complain enough for the two of us being a stay at home mother, feeling responsible for shaping little complicated lives, but I couldn’t imagine disrespecting my husband quite so much as I have heard from some of the women I know. I am in shock with each take I hear. Again, I can’t pretend to know the circumstance. But if you are being abused, neglected or otherwise mistreated, leave him. But don’t teach your daughters that it’s okay to not communicate with your spouse and give your body and mind to someone else because you can’t say the right words to the right person. Please don’t teach your sons to expect the women in their lives to treat them this way. Your children will go looking for these traits in the people in their lives whether they know it or not. It’s ugly and I’m sure it’s not what you want for your family. In turn, we should be treating others as we’d like to be treated and we should be teaching our children to expect the same. It saddens me that so many women I know have chosen this road and it saddens me more to think I am one of few who is shocked.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Is it really that hard to be respectful to other people? Are you in such a rush to get to a line that you must put the small lives that entrust us adults to see them through to their own adulthood safely in complete risk and danger? I’ve seen you squeal your wheels and drive on sidewalks so you can be the first to get to the stop sign…to stop and wait. I’ve watched you drive on sidewalks, even had to move my child out of the way of your tires one morning. Why are you in such a rush and why do you not consider the children that are only trying to get to their school safely? Tell me why you open your doors in the middle of the street and push your children out like a helicopter dropping soldiers in the middle of a war zone. Please explain to me why small children have to dodge land mines with Chrysler emblems making their way to the sidewalk while you try to push your way back into traffic fighting for the first car at the stop sign award. And how about those of you that almost pull over to the curb but don’t actually quite make it sitting there with the nose of the car at a small portion of the curb that is open with your ass hanging out in the street for the rest of us to drive around while dodging children that were left in the middle of the road, and your left blinker flashing to let the rest of us know you plan to take your place back in traffic. Are we supposed to go around your back side while you do your war zone drop off forcing the oncoming traffic into the side mirrors of the parked cars along the other side of the street? I just want to know the rules here because obviously my way of driving slowly down the road, stopping to let children cross the street, stopping at the stop sign, and letting my child out with a teacher at the front door is not the correct way. Should I be running over your children to get to the stop sign quicker? Should I be driving though the stop sign as I’ve seen you do? Or maybe while there are basically four lanes of traffic on a small neighborhood street, I should decide to U-turn while my kid’s backpack is stuck in the closing door and while she’s trying dodge the car sized land mines to make her way to the safety of a sidewalk upon which you are driving. Is that the correct way? Will someone for the love of children tell me what the hell is wrong with people, and is this happening at every school? My young children can’t walk safely on a sidewalk without fear they will be pushed along by a Michelin. My oldest daughter feels so uncool because she’s not dropped off in the street like so many other young children. And you all feel you should be honking your horn at a driver who actually stops at a stop sign or pause after stopping to let a child cross the street. I will say this though… Some of your children actually seem to know just how dangerous it is to cross at a stop sign where it should be safest. If there is a child standing there waiting to cross, please include them in the amount of small numbers that run through your mind as you are counting turns until it is time for you to go. If there is a child there…in the cold, wind, rain, sleet, snow or heat…waiting to cross the street to get to school….LET THEM GO! If you were standing there carrying a forty pound backpack and whatever project you had to finish before morning that is larger that you are tall, I am sure you’d appreciate it if the drivers inside the nice cozy warm cars with no more baggage than the cell phone on which they are currently texting would follow the laws, be respectful and let you cross the damn street. Do you think you could show that same respect for the students? It’s just school, folks. It isn’t rocket science or brain surgery. It’s driving on straight streets with sidewalks on either side, two stop signs and a drive way. Not much different than the neighborhoods where you live. It can’t be that hard. And your trip to get to the stop sign to sit and wait or get to the back of the line to sit and wait can’t possibly be that important to you that it’s worth putting children in danger – or making me angry!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
I keep telling myself this was my choice. Marrying into this family…all my choice. So I shouldn’t be quite so offended, should I? I should be grateful this man asked for me hand in marriage, gave me a home, then knocked me up and made me larger than our car. We need a new car. If we don’t get one, they will strap me to the roof of the one we have – just like the dead grandmother in Vacation. I know they will. She’s already told complete strangers of the plan. She is my mother in law. If she and I had met before my husband and I met, I would have made sure she wasn’t in my life any longer. Sadly, if it had happened that way, I never would have met Jeff, but since I was lucky enough to meet Jeff first, I unfortunately said I do to his entire family as well.
It took a while to get to know them since Jeff and I started dating in September, got serious by November and his parents stopped talking to him I December. October was pretty uneventful though, except for that one time Jeff and I argued over the phone. I felt bad, so I put on a cute little purple negligee buttoned up my long wool coat over the goods and drove from my apartment in Denver to his townhouse in Lafayette eager for him to open the door and see the present I wrapped for him under a long wool coat. Come on, every woman has done that, right? You don’t think about the thirty minute drive where you could get pulled over or flip your car and end up in the hospital with some doctor cutting your coat off talking about how people shouldn’t wear coats while in the car because it lessens the safety of the seatbelt, or the conversation you’d have to have with your family or friends when they come to bail you and your purple nightie out of jail because even though you’ve never done a single thing to go to jail, you’ll surely make a visit that night simply because wearing a little purple almost nothing under a long wool coat is just a bad omen. I didn’t think about any of that on that particular night. I also didn’t think about the fact that his parents who may or may not have been out while Jeff and I were arguing over the phone, would be sitting in his living room farting over and over again making the place smell like rotten cauliflower sure to set the mood I was not looking for in the purple nightie. I also didn’t think about extra clothing.
Luckily for me, I was never pulled over, didn’t have to visit an emergency room, or see my family while sporting all the preparations of sex ahead. Wow, looking at that I’m pretty sure I’ve admitted to having sex with Jeff not too long after we started dating – 6 weeks….8 weeks…?? Well, we are married now, so shut it! And don’t tell our children! But I did have to walk into that townhouse smelling like cauliflower ass wearing a shiny purple negligee, greet my boyfriend, and walk straight upstairs and pretend to be sick. Sure every girlfriend drives for half an hour to get to a different bed to rest in while feeling ill. I’m sure it was a believable story. I’m creative like that. ‘Hi, honey, can I take your coat?’ ‘No, thanks, I drove here in my coat and I don’t want to take it off because I’m so cold. I just may have a fever. Can I just sleep here tonight? G’night, all.’
Shit! Maybe I looked the idiot that night, but all I did was try to be sexy and show how sorry I was for arguing and how fun it can be to make up. Instead I was almost ill. I still smell the cauliflower ass and feel that same ill feeling, so maybe I could have salvaged the evening. Though I’m not sure how I’ll ever salvage the in-law relationship. They plan to put me on the roof of the car. I’d better get this baby out soon. Today would have been good, but we had plans to have breakfast with Jeff’s parents and while they were waiting for us to arrive, my mother in law made sure to let everyone in the lobby know of her plans to tie me to the roof of the car. Actually, while we were walking into the restaurant, I heard her telling a woman none of us know, ‘If she gets any bigger we will have to tie her to the roof of the car like they did the dead grandmother in the movie, Vacation.’ I’m not sure what she said before that, and I’m not even sure I remember what was said after that because I could only focus on not beating her. I know the future is scary! But I don’t know what it will hold. All I know is I can’t take the baby and run! I love my husband too much!