Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Social Networking

My days of internet social networking started about 13 years ago long before Facebook or MySpace – maybe even when their own creators were teaching their own parents how to use a mouse because we all know those young kids are much better at computers than their parents. I was a songwriter and I used to grab a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of wine, and play internet poker while writing a song. While playing you could chat as well. Then there were those random days of AOL chat rooms. That’s all so vague in my mind so many years later. It actually seems silly looking back. Did we all really sit in front of a computer and care what strangers across the globe said to us?
Yes, yes we did. And we still do.
Only today we get to see pictures of their families, their work places and we can even Google Earth their street.
Shit, we can even find out where they are every moment of the day if we’d like. Why is it people feel the need to post their location on sites like Facebook or Twitter. Sure, I post a to do list and I know you don’t care. It’s my list and not yours; I don’t expect you to care. But I don’t really need to know your travel plans, do I? Loser is at the grocery store on aisle nine looking for tampons. Really? Is all that information necessary?
Sure, knowing that I need to do the dishes isn’t really necessary, but for me it’s a to do list. If I post I have ten thousand loads of laundry to do, maybe I will actually do about five of them and feel accomplished because I told the world we have no clean underwear in the house. But I don’t post each time I walk into the laundry that I am there in the laundry room. Maybe I should. 'Stephanie is in the laundry room pouring detergent down the little hold on top of the washer. She threw in an extra red sock to brighten the whites a bit.' But then by the time it’s all typed out, I’d have to change it to 'Stephanie is in the kitchen cutting carrots though she knows Nolan won’t eat them.' An hour later, 'Stephanie is back in the laundry room moving clothes from one machine to the other and she wonders why they didn’t buy the red washer and dryer set to go with the pretty red sock and the pink whites that are now drying.'
Do you see my point? If you are posting or Twittering that you are filling your tank with gas you just may get blown up. Especially here in Colorado. I’m just sayin’. Blown up doesn’t sound fun to me. But neither does laundry, and I still do that.
The red sock does add a little fun on occasion. But only on Wednesdays when Jeff is putting on his white shirt in some hotel room more than a thousand miles away wondering what he put in his suit case to pinken his white shirts. Now that’s fun living! Telling me and all your close personal fans you are at Starbucks is not really all that fun. Next time try posting your entire trip, so we can feel more connected. Like, 'Dumbass is sitting at the light at 1st and Main…shit, no, make that 2nd and Main, no..shit, I almost rear ended that guy! I’m going to Starbucks and to get there I left my driveway, turned right, traveled to Main St. where I will sit through every flippin’ light until I get to 7th Ave where I will turn into the parking lot and greet my adoring fans. Have a good day, ta ta!'
Now that’s fun, right? No…not so much. Much like the driver in front of you with the clickety click click nonstop blinker, we just don’t need to know your travel plans or where you are each moment of the day. Unless you are bringing me a Cinnamon Dolce Latte and in that case, I may need to know so I can unlock my front door so you can come in to deliver it directly to my waiting hand.

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