Tuesday, September 25, 2007

It ate my words

• I hate the internet. I hate Al Gore and everything he "invented"! Republicans are rolling; democrats, scratching their heads. So I had this great blog typed up and internet ate it. Someone please create the site of lost words. So many times I tell myself I need to type something in word and copy and paste it into the page on the web because nine times out of ten, my words disappear. This happens here, this happens on different message boards. There has to be a place where these words go. It must be the same place where lost socks go after entering the dryer but never come out. Somewhere out there in the World Wide Web or the third dimension three feet from you, are millions of socks and words that belong elsewhere. There are enough socks to clothe Africa or free all the elves of the wizarding community and enough words to teach every child to read. Let's ban together to fight this. We can't waste words like this. Bill Gates needs to stop his charity work and come back to Microsoft, create the magic white box for word imputation that won't take and take and take and then swallow before you can hit post. It can't be that hard to do. I trust MS Word. It has never failed me. And because everything today has the look and feel of Windows, we trust these little white boxes that in reality should come with a warning that says: I am probably made in China, be forewarned. I will probably spit lead paint down your children's throats or strangle them while they are sleeping. Or if you are lucky, when you are done typing, I will make you think I'm going to post your words for the world to see, but in fact I am going to eat them myself and then shit them into the third dimension to live with all the lost socks of the land. Sure, you will feel the need to use MS Word for everything you write for a while, but like Americans do, you will become lax again and put your little cursor in my box. I will oblige for a while, but one day when you are least expecting it, I will take your words again. But that's such a long warning. We can't keep our children safe; then I can't expect us to be able to keep our words safe either. So I will use the internet because it's here. But I still say if Al Gore hadn't bothered inventing this little evil, our planet wouldn't be dying the slow death he is claiming. Al, you could have spent your time saving the world. Or do you have the save the cheerleader to do that? Shit I am confused!